Where has everyone gone?

I'm coming up on my 3rd rez-day this month and could not help but to reflect on my experiences in Second Life during the last 3 years. Today my mind wandered to the people I have met and began to wonder where have so many of them gone? There have been several people that I knew very well and considered my closest friends in SL and they have disappeared from existence. It's really so sad to me that these people are gone. Although I wonder if it is them I miss or rather the peaceful intimacy that I experienced with each of them.

Take for example, Andrew...I met him at a wall of freebie textures. He was one of my first friends. He encouraged me to build and to set up shop. He'd make little trinkets for me like wings scripted with a caging device. He began to spend more time in his RL and eventually we spent less time together. Tonight I took a peek at his profile, which led me to a dead xstreetsl.com link. I looked a little further and discovered that he's been wiped from SL. Gone.

White taught me to build. He had an amazing way with prims and I was lucky to have him as a teacher. He also encouraged me to make silks and put them out in a store. It was because of him that I opened up my silk shop. I enjoyed the time he and I spent together building...hours of prim torture can be enjoyable when done with friends. And he too is gone.

And Wolf was always a good friend to me. He listened intently and made brilliant suggestions when I was having difficulties in SL and RL. He always greeted me warmly and showed his appreciation for me. Eventually he became overwhelmed with women constantly vying for his attention. But then again, that's what happens when one runs a fetish club. It was too much for him and he removed himself from SL. Another one gone.

There are maybe a handful more of people that I knew better than most and today you would barely be able to find a trace of them. I suspect that some of them are living lives as an alt. And if that is the case I can't help but to be put off that they are out there and can see me, while I will never know what became of them.

I scratch my head as I ponder where these people have gone. Have I run them off? Do other people in SL have a history filled with voids where avatars used to be? Why is it that my friends not only leave me, but they leave their avatars behind as well. Is it me? It's them, right?

Pearls of Wisdom: It's OK to take a break.

Last night I was busy in SL diddling with some builds in my workshop while in RL I was tending to a creature recovering from the flu. In the midst of it all I received the most uncomfortable notice "XXX has dissolved your friendship." This is a strange feature included in the Emerald Viewer and while I find it interesting to know when I am dropped from a friends list, it leaves me wondering, "Wha?! What did i do?!" I deliberated for a few minutes and decided that my relationship with this person was important enough that I could not just let her go. I sent a quick IM to her letter her know and we had a conversation for a few minutes.

As it turns out she recently lost a dear loved one. And, as a result she's taking some time to evaluate her priorities and set her lives in order. For the moment SL just isn't very high on her list. And so she was engaging in some SL cleansing. I've done this so I am familiar with the process. It usually occurs when a person becomes disenchanted by SL or the people in their SLives. Thier profile gets cleaned of all but those that are the very closest, their friends list is pared down to a minimum, land is sold off, and in some cases inventory is purged. (ugh, i'm squirming just thinking of that extreme.) Often the external internet presence is also given a once over (i.e. plurk vacation, flickr accounts gone private, blogs put on hold.)

It astonished me that in our conversation she was very careful to assure me that it was not anything that I had done. Her words were laced with guilt for leaving friends behind in SL. I could sense the tug she felt between her desire to experience more in her RL and the obligation she felt to the friendships in her SL. My heart goes out to my friend and to others like her that feel torn between the two worlds. I'm not sure there is anything but experience that can teach a person how to cope in that situation, but I can assure you that it's possible to have both lives.

For those of you that are taking a break. It's OK. RL comes first. You're not abandoning anyone. We know this is hard for you and we'll support you in your decision.

For those of you that have a friend taking a break. It's OK. RL comes first. You're not being abandoned. This is hard for your friend that is leaving. Make sure they know that you support their decision. Let them go in peace. Please.


Queen & Co. Crying Plant #1
Available here.

Simple Pleasures

I spent the day building and it was wonderful. In the morning I was treated to a few hours of tunes from a shirtless friend. In the afternoon my swine flu suffering friend spent time discussing design challenges with me while he faded in and out of a codeine trance. Eventually it was time to say good night to all the good little prims and return to my tranquil home. I wasn't yet ready for bed so I took my T-rex, kissyface, out for a walk around the island. We visited the nighbor's chicken coops until kissyface got a little rambunctious and I had to take him home. On the way we stopped at a friend's and she gave kissyface a delicious bone. I got an ice cream. Sometimes happiness really is that simple.

Pearls of Wisdom: Two sides to every story

In my time in Second Life I've been witness to countless dramas as a distant observer as well as a reluctant confidante. Usually I'm exposed one person's detailed account of the situation and left to collect the other side of the story through observation. As you may imagine it results in a slanted view of the story, and if I'm not careful, a prejudicial demeanor towards the other party.
It just happened again and I'm compelled to share some words of wisdom. I could not have stated it better myself.

Two Second Life residents on Plurk were going through some "issues." and one party offered to their readers to be contacted in-world to give the truth, not fabrications. Yes, I rolled my eyes as I thought to myself "whose truth?" Then, the most wondrous angels of reason descended upon the Plurk stream:

Tenshi: Everyone fabricates their own side.
Tenshi: Everyone sees history differently.
Tenshi: There's a huge difference between a lie and a different view.
Tenshi: I'm not saying that's what is going on - I don't have a damn clue - I'm just running my mouth.
Madame Maracas: tenshivielle do you mean the difference between a lie and the Rashoman effect?

[effect of the subjectivity of perception on recollection, by which observers of an event are able to produce substantially different but equally plausible accounts of it. - Wikipedia]
NOTE: x-treme editing used to focus on the generality of the statements.

Amazing!! I was thankful to be instantly reminded there are at least two sides to every story. And the storyteller's account is almost always colored by their own perceptions. It can be very confusing. Be careful of judging other people based on information that is not received first hand. And be careful of great story tellers, they can cloud your vision.

Now, I know this, but it's good to be reminded. I prefer to listen and observe and come to my own conclusions. Often, it's not the underlying issue, but rather an evaluation as to how each party handled the matter. That in itself can be the biggest clue to a person's true character and the most determinative as to how I choose to conduct myself when relating to each party.

I can read your mind.

I like to Plurk. It keeps me in touch with my SL friends even when I'm not in SL. It's allowed me to meet so many new people and to peek into their SLives and many of their real lives.

This morning my Plurk timeline was abuzz with the tragic news of the death of the RL person behind the SL avatar, Rheta Shan. I never had the pleasure of knowing Rheta but I couldn't help but to feel heartache for those around me that were close to her. My heart goes out to her family and friends, in here and out there. Throughout the day people were able to share the news, their reactions, and their remembrances of Rheta in Plurk.

But there were other topics of discussion today within Plurkdom including: hunt/freebie critiques, criticism and backlash. Someone gushed with joy as she announced her long awaited engagement. There were many hellos and good nights. At one point some plurkers were suffering the predictable breakdown of xstreetsl.com. It was a day full of angst, joy, heartache and love.

When I got home I was suffering from the effects of allergy medication, heartache, and hormones . I turned on the 'puter and stared at the Plurk time line for too long. I'm not even sure what I was looking for. Finally, I realized that on this day negative and sad thoughts were screaming the loudest at me and coming from all directions. I took a break and read a little bit of Midnight Sun. The character, Edward, is a mind-reading vampire. So . . .

That's when I began to wonder about Plurk....Is this what it would be like to be able to listen to people's thoughts? I'm privy to the thoughts of about 200 people in Plurk. And to the thoughts of all the people that respond. Some thoughts are louder, and more emotional. Some are simple and fact based. But each is there for me to read if I choose. I imagine that a Plurk time line is very similar to having the ability to listen into the intimate thoughts of the people around me. After a day like today I know that I need to remain diligent in what I choose to read or my head may implode. Hmmm, that would not be so good.

Queenie Hunts!! : Keys to the VIP Hunt

I did a hunt this weekend. I haven't done one in what seems like forever. Frankly, I've been suffering from freebie hunter's fatigue. I appreciate hunts and I've participated in them as a shop owner and a hunter. But as of late there have been hunts with or all of the following problems: poorly organized, too large to fathom completion without coming face to face with insanity, unreasonably difficult, militant shop owners, rude hunters, and sadly the results are often an inventory stocked up with poor quality items.

Friday night I was already hearing good things about the KEYS TO THE VIP HUNT. I checked out the website and I was so happy to see that they had posted HINTS for each location. That cinched it, I was in! I'm a frugal person RL and SL and I love a bargain. But I'm also willing to pay for something that's got value so I had no problem spending 200L for the pass required for the hunt. On Saturday morning I enjoyed a few hours of hunting and had a great time. I was really pleased to find so many fantastic stores. I'm still unpacking but so far I've been really pleased with the goodies.

I was just over at the KEYS TO THE VIP HUNT to grab the URL and I noticed they are having problems with "cheaters." Someone has posted all the SLURLS to the prizes. And now shop owners are changing up the locations, and the organizer is scrambling to redo the clues, and..... *sighs* Come on. Really? I have my opinions, but in the interest of bedtime I'll leave them to a later date. I'm sure this issue won't go away anytime soon.

BTW!!! I'm loving big time on the *shinji* sports sneaks. They're super cute and really well made. Plus there's a belt 'n' other stuff to match also in the hunt.

Raincoat = K*S raincoat77
Pose = Rainy Day @ Pulling Strings
KEYS TO THE VIP HUNT GIFTS:
Umbrella = *LC* Nerdy Cute Umbrella blue/green (lounge gift at the end of the hunt)
Skin = [42] skin keys hunt tan
Shoes = *Shinji* Argyle Sports Sneaks - THESE ARE ADORABLE!! MY NEW FAVORITE SNEAKERS!!
Pants = 4EVA GUTTA - I had no idea I'd like these pants so much.

Public Health Warning: Blog Drama Syndrome (BDS)

Yesterday a well-known blogger plurked that he's shutting down his plurk account. Naturally I was curious and clicked the link he attached. As it turns out he's retreating back into anonymity to work on projects that bring him joy both in RL and SL. Although I'll miss his well written posts I understand his need to make changes in order to focus on other goals.

Unfortunately the impetus for his decision was a squabble about freebies among bloggers and a resulting verbal assault (read: not meaningful or constructive) against this blogger. Now, I've been witness to these blogger dramas before. Initially I would peek at them like I would flip through a National Enquirer at a news stand. But quickly I realized that any information they provided was laced with negative energy. From that point on I've been more careful about what I choose to read and always proceed with caution and when I sense drama brewing.

But I was not careful enough. Last night I logged into SL and wandered around aimlessly. The malaise was overwhelming. I fell ill and took to my bed at approximately 8:15 p.m. I realized, as I lay there exhausted and with sadness running through my veins, that was suffering from the debilitating effects of Blog Drama Syndrome (BDS.) I had been so careful to protect myself, how could this happen to me? I'm convinced that it was not this once occurrence that did me in. However, it was indicative of how a seemingly benign issue like freebies vs. no freebies could expose the malice that festers within the minds among us. And it did me in.

Preliminary research tells me that a steady diet of butterscotch candies, good tunes, and plenty of rest that is taken in the company of good friends will help me to recover quickly. Let this post serve as a warning to you all, BDS is here and lurks amongst us. Protect yourselves. Think first before you read, write and respond. The next victim could be someone you love.

Linden Memorial Park - Now open

I've been fortunate to never lose any SL friends to RL mortality, but I've known people who have. The first time I experienced the death of a RL person in SL was when my SL Mentor's son passed away. It was probably the first time I really understood that even in SL we can't escape human tragedy. The family set up an in-world memorial and guests were able to set out floating candles with notes of remembrance. It was beautiful, but I think that eventually all of the prims were returned.

The second experience I had with the RL passing of an SL avatar was the death of Ginny Talamasca. I did not know Ginny personally but I was familiar with her work and loved her designs. When I heard the tragic news my eyes welled up and I spent a few melancholy days wandering the grid and contemplating the fragile nature of the human relative to the immortal avatar.
LDPW Memorial: Ginny Talamasca


Yesterday was the 2nd Annual Day of Remembrance in Second Life. It is a day to remember those avatars that have lost their RL people. The memorial was held at the new Linden Memorial Park created by the Linden Public Works Department. This park is intended to be a place for permanent memorials, peace, and contemplation. You can get more information about the park's inspiration and creation from Brent Linden's blog post or Dusty Linden's blog post.


The pictures of the park hardly do it justice, you'll need to visit to capture the full experience. And an interesting note to this story...while I was in the garden looking at the flowers people have planted to remember their loved ones a man dropped in. It was my SL mentor and he came to plant a flower for his son. I haven't seen him for over 2 years. SL is a very small world, isn't it?

bye bye areumdeuli.

bye bye giant sculpty earth.
bye bye worker drones.
bye bye jellyfish heaven.
bye bye nice neighbors.

hello new adventures!!

Is this what they call a crossroads?

Two years ago I met someone in SL. He encouraged me to build and taught me some fantastic tricks. We found a small parcel on Areumdeuli and I set up a silks shop. I took a break for 4 months and when I came back he had moved on but the shop and the land was still there. All mine. I brokered a trade with a neighbor and was able to piece together a nice parcel where I spent a lot of my time. Over the past year and a half I've had a few different builds, but could usually be found there tinkering on something. Most recently I ressurected my main shop on the parcel but my heart just isn't in it. Tonight I tore down the shop. I still plan to maintain my corner shop at Juicy (been there since the walls were first going up) and my Xstreet SL account, but no more big shop.

So all that remains now is my municipal building and the basketball courts. Hardly builds that I would consider consequential in the grand scheme of SL, but nevertheless I'm struggling with pulling them up. I can take them in one piece and always keep to rez somewhere else, but I'm not sure that they would have the same charm. And what about the art that I house in the muni building? My seaside shanty is scarcely big enough as it is, how am I going to find wall space now? Some of the items in the building are things I rezzed many moons ago and have never taken them back into my inventory. To me there is a sadness about taking this all up and selling off the parcel. I think because it signifies the change that always makes me melancholy.

I should mention that this all came to light because I have a yearly premium coming due. And this time around I lack a compelling reason to renew. Wait. I have wonderful friends, a great little home, cute corner shop, and so much exploration to do so this is NOT a farewell Second Life post. I'm merely saying that maybe I've reached the next big moment in my SLife. Why do I feel like I'm falling off a cliff?

Pearls of Wisdom: Signs of a relationship gone bad

I’ve recently witnessed a friend suffer needlessly from heartache in SL. Her pain was so unnecessary and could have easily been avoided if the man she was involved with had been honest with her about ending their relationship. But he wasn’t. Instead, he chose to string her along with stories that always seemed to indicate that but for external problems they would be together. He would say things to her like, “I miss you so much. I’ve been working with the cable company to get a better connection. And I’m not sure why I don’t show online to you even when I am on. And I don’t know why you don’t get my IMs. And I’ve been so sick lately that it’s hard for me to get anything done.”

My friend did not ask to have a man in her SL. He came along while she was happy living her SL. She enjoyed his company so they spent more time together and slowly she opened herself up to him. And she gave him trust which is how she ended up believing his cocktail of excuses. But there was always doubt lurking in the corners. As it turns out he had taken serious interest in a girl that had been a friend of his for awhile. And instead of being honest to my friend he chose to feed her stories and hope. She was left wondering constantly what the state of their relationship was. Eventually she knew, but it took time to accept. It was especially difficult because the stories kept going although his behavior indicated otherwise.

This experience changed my friend. And that is why I want to hurt this man so bad because he has broken her spirit. There was no reason she had to suffer as she did. She’s a good person, she trusted him, and she wanted to believe that no one could treat another person as he was treating her. Unfortunately this situation is not unique in SL. As a service to others I have compiled a short but meaningful list of behaviors that can indicate that your relationship is on the decline:

1. Constant SL failures including but not limited to: IMs not working, showing false online/offline of self or others, chronic unsuccessful log-ins.
2. Unbelievably bad RL luck: illness of self or family member, loss of power, failing internet connection.
3. Inability to understand and utilize alternative forms of communication: phone, e-mail, chat programs.
4. A drastic reduction in time on SL.

What do you do if you can identify more than one of these in your relationship? Be prepared for a long drawn out period in which you’ll vacillate between ending the relationship yourself and hoping that everything will work out. Even if you end it yourself you’ll be left wondering, “did you jump the gun? Did you break it off too soon? Maybe he was telling the truth all along?” Oh it’s horrible. It really is. While I am not “the friend” I refer to in this post I have also been through this experience. And if you ask around I think you’ll find others who have as well.

Queen, use your words.

Help! My english is disintegrating into nothingness!!! Lately as I'm chatting in SL I've noticed the most disturbing phenomenon. I will know perfectly well which word I should be using but I will type a different version.

For example:
DJ: Sound?
me: Can't here anything.
[here? noooooo, it should be "hear." And I know that but my brain forgot to mention the correct spelling to my fingers.]

More recently, and to my extreme horror, I commented on a well read blog with this sentence:
I think you’re blog just made my list of 2009 Happy Places.
[you're? really? wtf was happening that I couldn't manage to figure out that the conjunctive of "you are" was not what should have been typed?]

This problem is bleeding over into my pseudo RL tasks like plurking and blogging. Perhaps it's the speed at which I type. But so odd that I would default to the incorrect word on a regular basis. Short of proof-reading every quip I spew forth I am not sure what to do. I suppose I'll be thankful that I know better, hope that those around me will not judge me harshly for my inability to use my words & maybe one day my brain and fingers will once again be able to work together successfully.

Peeking into your SL Past - Blogger/Plurker challenge

This was me. One year ago today. Fascinating. What do I see when I look at this picture? A few things....
This was taken at Breezer's place when I was still participating in the Treasure Quest Hunts. It was a lot of fun, good exposure for my shop and I met some good people. But it was also an experience that reminded me that SL can have some "bad players" and so I moved on.
I also note that in this picture I was well accessorized. I guess I've been prim whoring for awhile now. And me loves it!
*deep sighs* The most significant image in this picture is my good friend, Dulcerebeca. For a long time she was always at my side. She was my companion, my helper, my dearest friend. What you can't see in this picture is the pain I was feeling at the time because of an SL relationship gone horribly wrong. Dulce was there to get me through the days. She was always there for me. We had wonderful fun together. She taught me to laugh in a foreign language. jajajajaja!!

She had some RL losses that she was coping with. I did my best to be there for her while she worked through them. Eventually she met a man in SL and she became consumed by him, and the drama that the relationship brought with it. Unfortunately she found pain and heartache in SL which gave her no relief from the pain and heartache of RL. Currently she's coping with RL and I hope that she can find a way to heal after the losses she's endured.

A year later, if you scroll through my flickr stream you'll notice that eventually she slowly fades from that place beside me. However, you'll also notice others that have come and gone through my SLife. While I may not be with them now, and sometimes I take a few names in vain, I have been lucky to know each of these people. I try my best to learn everyday and to take lessons from the interactions I have even the bad ones.

And now for the challenge:
Find a picture of yourself from one year ago. Post it to your blog, your flickr, your plurk, and share with us your thoughts and reflections. Please post a link here to guide readers to you. (dont worry about opening the floodgates. *looks around at her 3 readers and thinks there's plenty of holiday punch for this party)

Queen's Musings - from funk to funky

Yesterday I was in a funk. It wasn’t good at all. The kind of funk that makes me want to hide away on a platform and torture prims where eventually I tire of their tiny screams and venture forth to collect the weeks freebies or cruise free sex sims for a noob boyfriend. Instead I chose to relax in my melon cooler, listen to some blues and diddle with Twain. In photoshop! Geez, git your mind out of the gutter.

Ding ding!! IM came in from Genki Dreamscape: Queen, wanna come here my set? Yes, tp please. And so I trudged off to the local furry club to mope around while I listened to Genki’s beats. OK, listen….NOBODY can mope when Genki’s on the desk. (it’s a joke, just laugh and keep reading.) To fit in better I transformed into Queenie the Cabbit, she’s so cute!! We had a slow start, he played the most amazing 11 minutes of his life and no one was there to hear it cuz the darn stream wasn’t in right. NOTE: I’ve come a long way in my music learning. I know this now cuz as I was listening in I thought, “this ain’t electro. And it ain’t speed garage.” So I says to Genki, “Genki, is it in yet?”

BOOM!! There’s the tunes I was in search of!!! From the moment his sounds hit my ears things started to change. As I waited for my attachments to load I sent out a few notices and tp’d in a few people. This was something that I HAD to share. HAD to.

Remember the funk I was in? Within moments of a few friends arriving the cloud had lifted and suddenly I was again at peace with the world of SL. Old friends, new friends, happy friends, even a sad one in the midst of it all…we were there together and enjoying the moment. Privately we all giggled as our HOOOOOOOS!!! and RRUUUUUUBGAS!!! caused a stir among the security staff; Vinnie and Bella earned the UG Hot Messes of the Day Award in recognition of their out of control accessorization; and I took a little time to reconnect with a very sweet friend.

At the end of Genki’s set I grabbed dear Mr. Ribe Oh and dragged him along to CodeBastard’s Rouge shops to pick up a freebie couples pose set. (ty Codie!) I pinned Ribe down and snapped a few pics, blogged, flickr’d and plurked, picked up a new friend in the frenzy (waves to CT!!), got mooned by Veyron, AND at the end of it all ushered in my 2nd rezzday nestled between two of the mostloving peoples I know, Codie and Gabby.

And, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

– The Beatles.

Thank you, everyone. I think I’m gonna be ok.