Pearls of Wisdom: Signs of a relationship gone bad

I’ve recently witnessed a friend suffer needlessly from heartache in SL. Her pain was so unnecessary and could have easily been avoided if the man she was involved with had been honest with her about ending their relationship. But he wasn’t. Instead, he chose to string her along with stories that always seemed to indicate that but for external problems they would be together. He would say things to her like, “I miss you so much. I’ve been working with the cable company to get a better connection. And I’m not sure why I don’t show online to you even when I am on. And I don’t know why you don’t get my IMs. And I’ve been so sick lately that it’s hard for me to get anything done.”

My friend did not ask to have a man in her SL. He came along while she was happy living her SL. She enjoyed his company so they spent more time together and slowly she opened herself up to him. And she gave him trust which is how she ended up believing his cocktail of excuses. But there was always doubt lurking in the corners. As it turns out he had taken serious interest in a girl that had been a friend of his for awhile. And instead of being honest to my friend he chose to feed her stories and hope. She was left wondering constantly what the state of their relationship was. Eventually she knew, but it took time to accept. It was especially difficult because the stories kept going although his behavior indicated otherwise.

This experience changed my friend. And that is why I want to hurt this man so bad because he has broken her spirit. There was no reason she had to suffer as she did. She’s a good person, she trusted him, and she wanted to believe that no one could treat another person as he was treating her. Unfortunately this situation is not unique in SL. As a service to others I have compiled a short but meaningful list of behaviors that can indicate that your relationship is on the decline:

1. Constant SL failures including but not limited to: IMs not working, showing false online/offline of self or others, chronic unsuccessful log-ins.
2. Unbelievably bad RL luck: illness of self or family member, loss of power, failing internet connection.
3. Inability to understand and utilize alternative forms of communication: phone, e-mail, chat programs.
4. A drastic reduction in time on SL.

What do you do if you can identify more than one of these in your relationship? Be prepared for a long drawn out period in which you’ll vacillate between ending the relationship yourself and hoping that everything will work out. Even if you end it yourself you’ll be left wondering, “did you jump the gun? Did you break it off too soon? Maybe he was telling the truth all along?” Oh it’s horrible. It really is. While I am not “the friend” I refer to in this post I have also been through this experience. And if you ask around I think you’ll find others who have as well.