Friday, August 15, 2008

Pearls of Wisdom - It ain't my business. Or is it?

I usually try my best to abstain from getting into other peoples messes.  Much like the childhood game of telephone communications in SL become distorted and embellished upon. So any action by me would be based on false information and probably result in a bigger mess. And generally in time these messes clean themselves up and I can continue with my happy SLife.

Once in awhile the trouble festers and grows.  Over a period of time I hear the story retold. Eventually, when pieced together the picture becomes more clear. Recently I heard news of trouble brewing in SL amongst a group of people I socialize with.  As the story goes one person was using heavy handed techniques to push another person out of a social circle. It was essentially, "it's her or me, take your pick" combined with an under the breath "if you don't pick me you'll be sorry."  The fist time I heard this I rolled my eyes and thought, "oh brother, who does she think she is?"  Then I heard it again.  I thought, "maybe I should just keep clear of this for awhile."  And then I heard that her technique was working. That's when my brow furrowed and I began to ask, "why are people letting this happen?"  The simple answer I got was, "Because it isn't me, so why should I bother?"

Answers like this make my stomach turn. We are all part of a community and its absurd to think there is no consequence when we sit idly by while our neighbors are attacked.  When situations arise, like the one I've described above I'm reminded of this quote:
First they came first for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist;
And then they came for the trade unionists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist;
And then they came for the Jews, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew;
And then . . . they came for me . . . And by that time there was no one left to speak up.
- Pastor Martin Niemöller
Sometimes I can't find words of my own to express myself.  Or someone does it so much better. Here, Mr. Niemöller says in a few brief words what would take me an eternity to convey.  I'm sharing this with you (my 3 readers and a drop in) today because it has been helpful to me more times than I'd have liked. It is inevitable that you may find yourself in a similar situation as me and I'd encourage you to keep this quote in mind when deciding how you'd respond.

Note: The actual quote varies depending on what resource one refers to.  At this time I am more concerned about sharing the essence of the quote rather than a historical dissertation on it's origin.  Plenty of google hits if you're wanting more.

10 comments:

Briddy said...

*Sigh* I love your post. It's short, sweet and to the point. "WWQD?" I ask myself.

Moggs Oceanlane said...

Firstly, I love the poem 'and then they came'.

Secondly, I hate bullying.

I have been told one time in SL that I shouldn't mix with so and so because the person who had introduced me had a falling out with the person. My response was that I don't picks sides in RL and I'm not in SL either - not without very very good reason. And certainly not over petty squabbles.

I have many different social groups in real life and some of my friends detest each other (really detest one another - or just don't get one another). When I have a RL party I never edit the list based on who I think will mix well but instead invite everyone I adore. With the exception of perhaps two minor incidents, all has gone well. People who don't get along simply spend their time with others and if they end up in the same circle at a given moment behave in a civil fashion. My parties generally are a huge success.

Life is too short to hold grudges, I sometimes have issues but try to make people aware and then resolve them... or else move on in a way that doesn't leave a bitter taste in my mouth. Some associations do come to an end, but most of the time doesn't need to get ugly.

If I love two people who have a falling out, I'm not going to love either of them any less just because they now no longer get along with one another. Not without something very extreme anyway.

My most common answer to them or is... "I choose you both". So far it seems to have worked. (Experience more in RL than SL).

In SL I've only had the one experience and when I made it clear I wasn't taking sides, the subject was dropped.

Briddy said...

Wow moggs, I'm glad the situation went well for you. Not so much for me. In a situation where two friends had an altercation, I made it clear I wasn't taking sides, and one party understood, while the other flipped a lid...and then proceeded to manipulate everyone else to taking sides, thereby involving an unecessary amount of innocent people into this person's whirlwind of drama. Not only that, this person chose to "unfriend" me, and publicly ignores me, to which I say, "good riddance."

Another point I'd like to make is that when people do ask me about the situation, which I am careful not discuss except with my close friends, I explain that I don't agree with the way this person has handled things, and I make it very clear that I don't expect anyone to take sides. This is a situation between me and the other person. Actually, now that I think about it, since I did nothing wrong, this is a situation where this other person has some kind of huge issue that they need to get over. It's not about taking sides. It's about growing up and acting like an adult. Unfortunately SL does allow people to be less inhibited than they are in real life, which sometimes results in behavior that has negative consequences.

As far as I'm concerned, life is too short to be involved with mean, selfish, and egocentric people.

Moggs Oceanlane said...

I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience Briddy. It's ad that some people are so insecure or need to win so much that they can't agree to disagree and feel the need to drag everyone else in to their dramas.

Queen Coronet said...

Briddy - I need to get you that WWQD? t-shirt I promised. Gotta love swag. More than that, sharing this helped you as it helps me then I've accomplished something here.
"As far as I'm concerned, life is too short to be involved with mean, selfish, and egocentric people." << Great example of why I love to spend time with you, great outlook on life.

Moggs - You've got a great outlook too. It's fantastic that you don't allow other people's issues to dictate how you operate in RL and SL.

Now, if we just get these people to get over themselves and move on....Oh, there I go dreaming again.

Anonymous said...

I wont say much except......(the crowd holds their breath) WWQD - LOVE IT. Hugs Queen - Hawtness epitomized!

dulce303 said...

OMG...IDK what WWQD is... LOL!!

=]

dulce303 said...

OH!!!! What Would Queen Do? HAHA!! I get it. =]

Queen Coronet said...

kandy! jajajaja, yesss What Would Queen Do? omg, if that's who you're listening to then we're all in trouble!

dulce303 said...

Heehee... I'm sure you have many Pearls of Wisdom lady. This was a great post. No drama for this mama I see. I think I have allot to learn from you. =]